Yesterday we had our maternity photo shoot and I am SO EXCITED to get to see them---I saw a preview on the camera, and they looked amazing, should be able to view them in the next couple days.....but while I was there, I was in the changing room, and on the vanity was a plate with a vinyl quote I had made a year ago when they were doing some decorating, and the plate reads,
Enjoy this moment, for this moment is your life...
I read that and realized that is a prefect saying for our life right now. I didn't need to be sad during our session, because at the moment we were taking pictures, Jillian was doing fine, and kicking like crazy, so I guess I was just enjoying that, instead of being sad about what is about to come. That as sad as all of this is, and how mad I could be, I guess until Jillian is actually here and we are forced to deal with the reality of it all, we have chosen to live in the NOW and enjoy each day....how ironic I was the one that made the plate, and seeing it again, it really said a lot about us right now.
I think this whole situation has taught me a lot about myself, a lot about other people, a lot about how I view things. I say it all the time...but I just think it would have been a big waste of our time, to lay around and cry the last few months, and yes, some days I did, or some days I wanted to, but thought, how would that be celebrating the time we have now? I can be selfish and say I SO BADLY want Jillian to live and grow with our family, but with that said, I can't help but feel so blessed at the same time. I watch a lot of news shows, and court tv shows, and hear so many heart wrenching stories of little children that are abused, murdered, or missing...and I think those are the moms that have to be desperately hurting so badly, that when they go to bed at night, might now know where their child is, or have to visualize a tragic death....and I won't have to do that. I will get to know she didn't suffer, she won't be hurt...that in her short life, all she will know is love by all her family around her, and that she is resting in a wonderful place. I guess that is how I have chosen to look at all this right now....
...now in a couple weeks I might have a completely different view, and I know I will be terribly sad and probably mad and wonder why---but in the back of my mind, I am positive we will find peace in all of this.
Here is a picture of the plate----taken a year ago, who knew it would have so much meaning to me now?
On another note----we have our last visit with Dr. Levine tomorrow in Omaha. I am really hoping to get some more 3D pictures of litte Jillian, and also hoping for an estimated weight on her. I will post more after our visit. I also had a routine visit this week with Dr. Veltri, and everything is the same, I have still not gained any weight, and in fact of lost 5 pounds since the day I found out I was pregnant----and I am 36 weeks but was measuring 34 weeks, which is fine, but that is why I am wanting to know a weight on Jillian...makes me think she might be really small? Guess we will find out tomorrow.
More after our visit tomorrow---and as always, keep us in your prayers.