First Year

We have made it through, what we have been told, is the hardest year...the first. Making it through the first Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthday, etc....without her. It has been a tough year, and not a day goes by that we don't think of Jillian, or wish she was here with us, but what keeps up going is knowing we will get to see her again one day!

My plan was to blog about Jillian until her first birthday, and then I was going to print her blog so I would have it forever to look at, and read about all the feelings I had during her time in my belly, the 22 hours she was with us, and the year following her death. That was my plan, until I got a package in the mail today, opened it up, and it was a printed book of Jillian's blog! I instantly started crying when I saw her little face on the front of the book! My friend Candi had told me to be expecting a gift in the mail, but I had no idea this is what it would be!!!!!!!!! I was beyond happy when I opened this!

I know I say it all the time, but I don't know how we would have gotten through the last couple years without the wonderful support of our A M A Z I N G friends and family! I don't feel like I can even thank everyone enough---but really and truly we are so thankful for all of you! It's not about the gifts either....yes, they are wonderful, and we have gifts all over our house that have been given to us from friends and family, and all of it being very special to us. It's also the continued cards, and phone calls, and e-mails to tell us they are thinking of us...still even a year later! I have NEVER felt alone or abandoned, as I know other families have endured. I can only hope that I am and can be as good of friend as mine have been to me(which is a high standard!!)

So THANK YOU CANDI for this amazing gift you have given us, and to all our friends and family(you know who you are!!!!) for your continued love and support. I am so glad we were able to introduce Jillian to all of you, either in person, or through pictures or video on our blog. She was one amazing little girl and I look forward to the day our family is all reunited again!

(We received a plaque with this quote on it that sits in our bedroom with Jillian's picture...I thought I would share....

The Broken Chain
We little knew that morning that
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you,
the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you,
your always at our side.
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

I took a few pictures of Jillian's Blog Book! We will certainly cherish this FOREVER!

Sisters are Forever Friends

Yesterday Malia brought home a pink balloon from the birthday party she went to. The girls have been playing with it, and then I heard Ellie ask Malia if they should send Jillian a message? They asked me if they could write a message and let it go.... Ellie says:"It doesn't have to be Jillian's birthday to send a message, does it?" Of course I let them write a message and release the balloon. After letting the balloon go, Malia says, "Mom, how do we get to Heaven, can we drive there in a car?" If it was only that easy we'd fuel up and be on our way in a heartbeat! :)

Jillian is ALWAYS on our minds and in our hearts, and it makes me thrilled to know the girls still think of Jillian all the time too, I hope the memories never fade.

Once a sister....always a sister....no matter what!!

The "Party"

Despite the weather, we had a really nice little "party" for Jillian tonight at the cemetery. We had planned to meet at 6:15, for a balloon release and cupcakes. It was questionable all day if we would be able to, since we were severe weather watches, and when we got there, it was getting very dark and cloudy, like it could start storming any minute! Not to mention the heat index was 106 today and SO HUMID! We got all the balloons handed out, some of us wrote notes on the balloons, or attached notes, then we all sang Happy Birthday to Jillian...and let our balloons go! It was so neat to see all the pink and green balloons! We got 22 balloons.....each one representing each hour she was with us 1 year ago!

And of course, I had to make pink and green cupcakes!!!

As soon as we got the cupcakes eaten and to our cars, it started to sprinkle...this was the sky as I was headed home! Luckily it held off long enough for us to celebrate. I felt like there was so much more I wanted to do...but couldn't since she isn't here. I always throw parties for all my girls, and sometimes go overboard, so I feel like I did the best I could for Jillian.....but it just doesn't feel like enough. That must be the "mom" in me.....you just want to do the best for your kids....I hope she knew I put a lot of thought and love into the details!!!!!

The girls gave their Jillian bears extra hugs today!

We even got a couple very nice gifts from some friends and family! I LOVE how my sister wrapped this one in pink and green and wrote Jillian's name on it!!!!!!

Here are a few gifts we received----we can't THANK YOU enough for thinking of us and Jillian!! We also received a couple really nice cards, e-mails, etc! It means SO MUCH!!!!! Also thanks to everyone that was able to join us tonight and those that couldn't be with us---I know you were thinking of us!!!!

Tonight before tucking the girls into bed, we all picked a cupcake and a candle, and sang Happy Birthday again, and we all made a wish and blew out the candles!

As hard as today was, it feels good to know we celebrated just for her! I know she was only with us for a short time on Earth, but she is forever in our hearts!!

WE LOVE YOU BABY JILLIAN!!!!

Jillian's Video

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JILLIAN!!!! Mommy made this video as a tribute to your life, that was cut too short. We are thrilled to have spent 22 hours with you, which is more than we ever expected, but still we would have loved a lifetime...to get to know you, watch you grow, and watch you interact with your sisters. You are so loved and we think about you often, but you already know that.

Happy Birthday!
Love,
Daddy, Mommy, Ellie, Malia and Baby Brylie

Hope you enjoy the video-----might need a box of kleenex!

And a big thanks to my brother in law Aaron for helping me finish the video!!!!!!!

Sisters Singing

With Jillian's 1st birthday fast approaching, I thought I would share a couple videos. Before Jillian was born, I asked Malia what she was going to say when she met Jillian, and she told me she was going to sing her Twinkle Twinkle Little Star....and she did...it was too cute and melts my heart to see these girls singing to their baby sister. (You will need to go to the bottom and pause the playlist to hear the videos)


Ellie also made up a song she had planned to sing to Jillian as well.....

I have more videos of Jillian when she is born and crying, and of her making noises and blowing bubbles before she passed away. Not sure if I will share those, and some things are sacred and we will share with our families....but I thought the girls singing was so cute not to share.

I have also been working on Jillian's video and plan to post that on her birthday to everyone to enjoy and I have not opened Jillian's chest in a few months, and everything is still exactly where it was when I put it in there last summer...so we also plan to open it and go through all her little things again on her birthday...Ellie is especially excited to do this. We aren't planning anything big to celebrate, decorating her grave with birthday decor, a balloon release, and some cupcakes...we will celebrate the wonderful 22 hours we got to spend with Jillian.

11 Months

We would never have guessed that Jillian would be a big sister only 11 months after she went to Heaven...but we are thrilled to introduce Brylie Nicole-Grace into our family. We gave her the middle name Grace, to hopefully carry Jillian on for generations.

Someone left me a comment and said:

"I too believe that angel Jillian is smiling down from heaven. Maybe, just maybe she hand picked Brylie out, just for you."

Perfect!

Here is Brylie Nicole-Grace (I think with the pictures side by side, she does resemble Jillian!)

Jillian Grace----proud Big Sister in Heaven

Jillian's Marker

Today Jillian's marker was installed. We are thrilled to finalyl have her marker there, and to have a vase to arrange some flowers...instead of shoving them in the ground! I will be on the hunt for some perfect flowers for her first arrangement!! Tonight I just added what was already out there.

We are not sure what we think of it yet. I mean it will work and we do like it, but we were thinking there would be more granite than concrete, but there sure is a big chun kof concrete around it. It will work though----we love the granite we picked out, and the angel we picked for the corner, and will remind us of Jillian everytime we visit. I think no matter what, it is hard to "fall in love" with a marker that represents a child you buried. We moved all of her special things and I am now on the hunt for a birthday flag! Just over a month and we will celebrate her 1 year birthday----wow, almost a year already?


After we got all of her special things moved...

10 months

I got a special package in the mail a few weeks ago from a good friend of mine, it was a nice card, with some packets of flower seeds(4 packs, 1 for each of our girls!) I got the idea to let Ellie and Malia plant them for Jillian. So yesterday, I picked up a couple small pots for each of them, we planted the seeds, and then each girl got to decorate their pots with stickers and markers and as soon as the flowers start to go, we will take them out to Jillian! The girls had a fun time planting and decorating---and thanks to my friend Amy for always being so thoughtful!!!

Here are a few pictures of the girls:

I know Jillian was smiling down on us while we were doing this for her! We try to incorporate her in most things we do, because she is a part of our family, no matter what. We are also very excited to add her little sister to the family in just 10 days! I also know she will be watching over us to make sure everything goes just fine!!

And I can't post without a picture of our beautiful little girl with her beautiful big sisters!!

WE LOVE AND MISS YOU BABY JILLIAN!!!!!!!

9 Months

Wow----9 months already since Miss Jillian was born. The months just keep coming and going...and she is always in our hearts and on our minds.

We finally picked out her marker last week, so will be nice to get that up at the cemetery soon! We also took some pretty pink and white flowers out for spring, and she got a new night light from Grandma Teresa and Grandpa Doug---it glows green and has butterflies on it. We got a vase to go with the marker, so I am anxious to have a place to arrange the flowers, instead of sticking them in the dirt. I will be sure to post pictures when all of that is done!

I like to post pictures of Jillian each month and wanted to show just how beautiful she looked in burial outfit...in her pretty dress and sweater and jewelry...she also has her teddy bear, blanket and her bible tucked beside her as well. These pictures are a little harder to see and takes me back to the day of the funeral...but she is just so pretty :)

We love and miss you "Baby" Jillian!!